Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
