I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
