Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
