hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
