Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
