Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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