I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize