i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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