I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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