Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize