her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
