Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
