Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
