she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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