so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
