my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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