i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
