P.S. I can't hear my feet
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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