Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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