That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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