I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
