i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
