Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
