i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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