on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
