All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
