So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
