I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
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Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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