I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
