You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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