Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
