I accidentally had phone sex last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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