he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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