in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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