hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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