On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
