Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
