Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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