Screwed.edu
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
