she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
