Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
