I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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