I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
last night I used snow as a chaser
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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