hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
