I'm gonna have a badass scar
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
