Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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