Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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