I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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