I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
