i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
