I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
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You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
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What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.