dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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