My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
