true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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