hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
