Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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