My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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