I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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