508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
