dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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